Happy Monkey Day!

We just finished celebrating Monkey Day at our house. We had a monkey piñata, Ellie received a little stuffed monkey and we had ice cream cake. What, you've never heard of Monkey Day? Well I hadn't either before this year.

The story begins with Ellie's interest in planets. I mentioned that Saturday was named after the planet Saturn, which lead to the natural line of questions about what the other days were named after. So we head to wikipedia to learn about the Sun, the moon, the god Tyr, the god Woden, Thor and the goddess Frigg. That lead to looking for other days, such as Ellie day, flower day and eventually lead to searching for monkey day. Yes, Virginia, there is a Monkey Day.

I told Ellie we would celebrate Monkey Day and I marked it on my calendar. So today, we celebrated Monkey Day.

I love the power of technology that gives us incredible information at our finger tips, that can turn information seeking into a game, that can lead to a silly event, like celebrating monkeys. I'm not sure what we'll do for Monkey Day next year, but I think we have a new tradition. Now I just need to figure out how to celebrate Monkey Tuesday Monkey Day with Penn Jillette in 2021.

Am I Ashamed?

I saw this post on my mom's Facebook feed today.

I'm not quite sure I want to shout it, but I'm not ashamed that I have been baptized in the name of Jesus Christ.

As I'm sure you know, if you have enough interest to read this, I was once a Christian, but I no longer believe. But I'm not ashamed of that. Sometimes I wonder how I believed as long as I did. Sometimes I wish I had not believed. I wish my life had been guided more by empirical evidence and less by pretending to know things I didn't know. I also wish I hadn't been ashamed of who I was.

I find it very odd to expect people to not feel shame over an act of belief in a system that promotes shame. I always felt out of place because my religion taught me that it was wrong for me to want to enjoy the "things of the world." Things like certain types of music, certain types of entertainment and my natural sexual desires. It was wrong to want to dress in certain ways, to say certain words, to look at certain things. Religion taught me that I was naturally flawed and that I was unworthy of the love of a perfect God.

So I lived a life of shame. I hid many things and lied about who I was and what I felt. I spiraled into deep self loathing until I could no longer contain it and I started turning that anger and hatred on everyone that came into my life. I let my guilt and shame become what defined me. I've hurt more people in more ways than I want to remember, but I just cannot seem to forget. The shame hovers over me like a black cloud that follows me every where I go.

But, I'm trying to live without shame. I try everyday to forgive myself for the things I have done. I try to live a day at a time, attempting to make good decisions based on sound reasons. I try to live looking forward and not behind. Its not easy.

I'm not ashamed of my religious past, there has been good that has come from it. I'm not ashamed of the road that has lead me to where I am today, there has been good that has come from that also. However, I do carry shame for things I have done in my life, maybe I should, but I'm working very hard to make sure my life is not defined my my shame.